Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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