Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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