Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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