Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
