I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
