i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize