She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
