smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
the raccoons are back...
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