I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
