my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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