And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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