Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
