Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
