How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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