just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
