the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
