I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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