Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
