@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
