There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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