dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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