There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
