Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
