Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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