I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
