Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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