bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
