He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
