Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
