you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
