I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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