I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
