he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
only you would photoshop your dick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
