thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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