youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize