I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
