My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
