I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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