Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
