I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
