I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
