At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize