Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's shark week go big or go home
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
