dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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