i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
