we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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