im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
