just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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