just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
