Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
