I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
