hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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