Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
