Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
