i can't believe i had my finger in that
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
