You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
