I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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