I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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