My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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