He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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