she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
