i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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