I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
