my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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