I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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