ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
