I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
