He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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